If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to “just outsource it,” I’d still be broke — because I’d spend that money on gear I don’t need and coffee I won’t finish while I edit a podcast I probably should’ve let someone else handle.
I’ve built this art business with my own hands, on my own time, in between military drills, classroom lessons, and being a present husband and dad. So yeah, I’ve got some control issues — but not because I think I’m the only one capable. It’s because this means something to me.
Art is personal. So is the process. And letting go of control doesn’t just mean giving up a task, it means letting someone else handle something that has my name, my vision, and my sweat in it.
Art Collabs: I Want to Trust You… But Also, Please Don’t Touch Anything
I like the idea of collaborating.
Two artists. Shared vision. Something bigger than the sum of its parts.
But once lines start hitting paper, I turn into quality control with a death grip.
It’s not a judgment on anyone else’s ability — it’s a defense mechanism. I’ve spent years crafting a style that feels like mine. And when someone else steps into that space, my brain hits panic mode:
“Are they gonna overwork this?”
“Will it clash?”
“Can I undo it if I have to?”
The irony is, I’ve benefited from collabs — creatively, professionally, even emotionally. But every time, I have to push past this internal alarm that tells me if I’m not touching it, it’s not really mine.
I'm so greatful for the collabs Iv'e done, sepecifically with Great Plains and Wild Dames. I worked with two other artists and have never been more proud of a piece of art.
Podcast Editing: It’s 1AM, I Have a Drill This Weekend, and I’m manually cutting videos together.
There’s no real reason I should be editing every second of my podcast by hand. I know people. I know platforms. I know it could sound 90% as good with 10% of the time if I let someone else take it on.
But here’s what runs through my mind:
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“What if they miss the moments that matter?”
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“What if they cut something that’s only funny to us — but that’s the whole point?”
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“What if they polish the rough edges too much and it loses the grit that makes it honest?”
I could use that time to draw. Or sleep. Or exist. But the idea of letting someone else mess with the audio feels like letting them mess with the tone. And if tone is everything — that’s a hard handoff to make. Luckily Ya boi has finally got autopod working so that has cut my editing time in half.
Fulfillment Companies: The Battle Between Sanity and Standards
For the longest time, I was packaging, and shipping every single order myself.
Because I wanted to make sure every print looked how I intended.
Because I cared about quality control and ensuring each package had personal touches to it.
Because I didn’t trust a random warehouse worker to give a damn.
Eventually, I gave in and started using a fulfillment service. I hesitated until it hurt — until I had to start gearing up for a deployment.
And surprise: they didn’t ruin everything.
No one’s gotten the wrong print.
Colors look how they’re supposed to.
People are still tagging me in their unboxing posts.
It’s not perfect, but it works — and I can breathe again. Or at least focus on making what comes next.
Control Is a Coping Mechanism — Not a Strategy
I used to think I was protecting my vision.
Now I’m starting to realize: sometimes I was just avoiding vulnerability.
Letting go of control doesn’t mean I don’t care. It means I care enough to let other people help me carry the load — so I can keep going. So I don’t burn out. So I don’t start to resent the things I used to love.
I still struggle with it. I probably always will. But I’m learning to let go in small ways, cause I cant always carry the boulder by myself.
That’s how the next version of this whole thing gets built — not alone, not perfectly, but with just enough trust to move forward.